Friday 30 September 2011

the hammer

the hammer

Olympic Summer Games, discipline hammer throw.

When does the first Americans, 120kg heavy and 1.95 m tall, hammer in
hand, turns on its axis a few times and throws the hammer far beyond
125m - a new world record!

The reporters rush to the Americans and ask him:
"You American, new world record - how?"

The Americans replied with a smile:
"My grandfather was an iron worker, my father was an iron worker, I'm an
iron worker, very strong"

Next, the Russian who is 125kg and 2.05m tall, your turn. He takes the
hammer in his hand turns and throws the hammer at 132 meters - again a
new world record.

The reporters come to him and ask:
"You Ruski new Weldrekortski -? Wi"

Responds with an iron face of Russian:
"Grandfather was a timber worker, father was a wood worker, wood worker,
I am - a lot of force"

Finally comes a Carinthian, 55kg and 1.60 tall, takes the hammer,
throwing him, without turning only once, at 151m - the third world
record that day.

The reporters go to the Carinthian and ask him:
"If one looks at you so you can ask is, how did you manage that?"

The Carinthian answers:
"My grandfather was unemployed, my father was unemployed, I'm unemployed
and my father once told me: Boy, when you press any one time a tool in
the hand, then throw it as far away as I possibly can!"

Thursday 29 September 2011

Thick and thin

Thick and thin

A fat man meets a thinning and says:
"If one sees you, you might think, a famine broke out."

"And when you look at," says the thin, "one might think that you were to
blame."

Wednesday 28 September 2011

Golf operation

Golf operation

Recently in the sports clinic:

"Who will operate now?" asks the chief physician assistants.

"The man over there, he has swallowed a golf ball."

"And what does the other guy with him?"

"Next game !..."

Monday 26 September 2011

Righteous Kill

Righteous Kill

"Let me repeat that again," the prosecutor said, "You came home early
from work and found your wife with a strange man in bed?"

"That's right," said the defendant

"Out," continued the prosecutor continued, "They took a gun and shot
your wife?"

"Right," said the defendant

"Then I ask myself but why not have your wife and shot her lover?" Asked
the prosecutor.

"Well," said the defendant, "it felt easier than every day to shoot
another man."

Close to nature!

Close to nature!

The Indians want to know of their medicine man, the weather of the
coming winter.

In order not to lose his job, he lies to them that there will be a hard,
icy winter.

In a panic, run off the Indians and collect wood.

The next day, the medicine man gets a guilty conscience.

He drives into town to the weather service and ask for safe stop halfway.

The answer comes immediately:
"It is a hard, icy winter - the Indians are already collecting wood ..."

Saturday 24 September 2011

Fear!

Fear!

Says the big bear:
"If I roar in the forest, afraid of the whole forest."

The strong lion:
"If I roar in the desert, afraid of the whole desert."

Then the little chicken:
"If I cough, be afraid of the whole world!"

subscribed

subscribed

  A woman was walking down the street and she noticed an old man who smiled sitting in a rocking chair in front of a home.

She walked up to him:
"Hello, excuse me for disturbing, but they look so happy. What is your recipe for a long happy life?"

"Well, I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, drink a whiskey harass a week, eat fatty and never do sports."

"It's remarkable how old are they now?"

"Oh, only 26"

Here!

Here!

"Here, Fabian," the father says to his son, "you have twenty shillings.

Sure you bring me a piece of apple strudel from the pastry over.

Here's another twenty shillings, but you may also buy you a piece! "

After a few minutes Fabian is back and says:
"Here are your twenty shillings back. It was unfortunately only one
piece of apple strudel there!"

Friday 23 September 2011

first Day of School

first Day of School

A blonde is beaming after her first day home:
"Mama, Mama, today we had arithmetic and I can already count to 20, all
others only to 5 Why is that?"

"Well, my child, I know not," says the mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" She goes on to ask. "Yes, my child, it will
be good!"

The next day she returns home, beaming:
"Mama, Mama, today we have learned the alphabet. I can not even spell to
S, the other to J. Why is that?"

"Well, my child I know not," replies the mother.

"Is it perhaps because I am a blonde?"

"Yes, my child, it will be."

After the third day of school she comes back home:
"Mom, Mom had us today for the first time sports. Moving On I've seen
the other girls have no breasts. And I've been carrying BH 4 years.
Is this because I am a blonde? "

"No, my child. The reason is that you are 18 or older and the others are
only 6th .."

Thursday 22 September 2011

at the Casino

at the Casino

A blonde comes into the casino, buys chips for 10,000 € and moves to the
roulette table. Once there, she asks the dealer:
"May I take off my clothes, I always win when I can play naked."

"Hmmm, yes, they may cough."

She tuts and puts all the chips on the table.

The ball is rolling.

The ball lands on one number.

The Blonde:
"Hurraaaaaa, I won, I won!"

Takes all the chips off the table and disappears.

Once the dealers are back to their senses, asks one of them:
"Hey, what number they had on set at all?"

"Hmmm, I thought you .."

"No, I thought you ..!?"

Wednesday 21 September 2011

at the zoo

at the zoo

A young couple goes to the zoo.

In front of the gorilla enclosure notice the two that the male gorilla
particularly interested in the section of the young lady. Which is the
very amusing and begins to wiggle his hips lasciviously. The gorilla is
getting nervous. Then she unbuttoned her blouse. The gorilla is raging.
Finally, she lifts her skirt. The gorilla is no longer slow down, bend
the bars apart and runs toward the woman.

"What am I supposed to do," she screams desperately.

"Do it as always," suggests the man, "tell him you have migraine or your
days ..."

Tuesday 20 September 2011

billiards

billiards

An avid pool player asked his pastor if billiards is played in heaven.
The priest promises to inquire.

The next day the minister meets the man again and says he a good and bad
news for him would have.

The good news is:
"Billiards is played in heaven."

The bad:
"You are reported to the tournament next week ..."