suicide

The Upper Austrian borders Mühlviertel yes to the Bundesrepublick
Germany, specifically to the Bavarian Forest. There, quietly go on the
German side of two border patrol officers. Suddenly, remains one of the
two, and says:
"Yes, my, look there since a suicide!"

And really, on a tree near the Austrian border depends on a strong
branch is dead.

"That something must happen to us! The number of writing, the
transportation of the corpse, and a final hour before service!"

"Do nothing at all, who is the same ham ma, ma to hang over the
Austrians!" Is the reassuring colleague.

Half an hour later, patrol in the same place, but just on the other
hand, the Austrian border guards. When they see the crossed-over to them
hanged, one encounters the disbelief from:
"The net can indeed be true, now is the back again!"

Ackermann

Every year ...

Three friends sitting at card games.

One of them breaks the silence and prayerful says:
"Oh yes, I know Brigitte Bardot."

"Yeah, Ackermann," say his colleagues, "we know them well."

The three agree to go to Paris to visit Brigitte Bardot.

Ackermann detects it, pay pay as the other two the trip. If Bardot
Ackermann does not recognize the journey takes place at his own expense.

Once in Paris, Ackermann aims deliberately at the Metro, gets out, runs
up the stairs in a house and knocks on a door.

It opens Brigitte Bardot:
"Ackermann, mon amour, how are you?"

The friends have to resort to the checkout.

Several weeks passed and a new meeting to play cards Ackermann says:
"Oh yes, I know the Bill Clinton".

"But of Ackermann, which we believe you!"

Again, the three close friends from the same bet and this time go to
Washington.

When the three white people before the House, Bill Clinton looks
straight out of the window:
"Ackermann, old fellow, come in, let's have a drink!"

Amazement the two friends alone is Ackermann's not, they must pay back
the travel expenses.

It will take several weeks and the friends meet again to play cards.

Ackermann said:
"Oh yes, I know the Pope."

"Yes, logically, we also know - that you know the Bardot and Clinton, we
can hardly believe, but the pope - no, we do not buy from you!"

Again, the same bet has been completed, the three travel to Rome where
the Pope is reading a fair. Ackermann must recognize the Pope, the two
friends to pay for travel expenses.

The show has already started, when the present three in the last row.

The Pope is just the sermon, as he look up and shouts:

"Ackermann, you here? Come here!"

The crowd opened, Ackermann goes towards the altar. Pope and Ackerman
hug, eat together some hosts, Pallav drinking sacramental wine and still
waving goodbye to the people and, because the Holy Father, the people do
not want to wait.

Ackermann goes back to his friends - which lie in a swoon.

When the two come back to consciousness, Ackermann asked what had happened.

The two answers:
"You know that Brigitte Bardot and Bill Clinton was a small miracle that
you even know the Pope -. Naja - you can see, it is possible!

But most has shocked us, as you have just waved down from the altar with
the Pope.

As passed by two Japanese, photographed, and one asked the other:

"Do you know who the old man with the funny hat is there in addition to
the Ackermann ...?""

Pope and Woman

Schroeder, Clinton and Honni go to heaven and are now in front of God for their vehicles to pick up the sky.

Schroeder comes to God first and asked:

"Well, how many women you had in your life?"

Schroeder considered only briefly and says:
"8 Women". "OK," says God, "You get an Audi."

Schroeder is happy and goes off happily with his Audi.

Now Clinton's turn again, and God:

"Well, how many women you had in your life?"

Then Clinton:
"16 women". "For this you get a Corvette," says God, and Clinton goes off with squealing tires.

As the last of the series is Honni and he is asked by God:

"Well, how many women you had in your life?"

Honni thinks for a while and says:
"25 women". "Well I do not want to be," says God, "you get from me for a Trabant."

Well, says nothing better than to Honni and crawls away.

After a while Honni, Clinton and Schroeder meet at the car wash.

At once begins to Honni animal laugh.

. 'What's that? "Ask the other two" I've just seen the Pope - on a bicycle "

weighed

Renate has brought sausage from the butcher. The mother weighs, it's not
true.

She immediately goes to the butcher:
"You can not do with me, since missing 50 grams, I weighed it!"

The friendly butcher asks:
"Have you weighed your daughter too?"

Two men in heaven.

Two men meet in heaven.

"Why are you dead?"

"I am frozen. And you?"

"Oh, I died of a heart attack!"

"How did that happen?"

"A buddy called me in the office and said your wife cheating on you!

I run home to the car rase, the bedroom, look under the bed in the
closet, nothing! Down in the kitchen in the basement - nothing. then I
was sick and I had a heart attack! "

"You idiot," said the other, "you should have in the kitchen, looked in
the freezer, we could both still live ...!"

The goat Problem

The goat Problem

A farmer stands in a well and wants to know how deep it goes down there.

He throws down a small stone, but not hear it splash.

He picks up a large stone, throws him into the well - again, no splash
noise.

So he asks a passerby:
"Can you help me to throw this big rock into the well? I want to know
how deep it is."

With his last strength to the two boulders balancing on the edge of the
well and push him down.

Seconds later a goat whizzes past in monkeys pace, running against the
well and jumps down.

A little later comes by a shepherd:
"Have you seen my goat?"

"Yeah, right here it passed and jumped into the well," replies the farmer.

"Impossible," wards off the shepherd.
"I had the extra animal tied to a big rock ..."

Trabi!

Trabi!

If a Mercedes driver in a car park and meets a Trabi drivers.

Asks the Trabi drivers:
"Would you like some coffee?"

Benz says the driver:
"What do you have installed a coffee machine in their Trabi?"

"Of course, all standard!"

This can not believe the Benz driver and they agree to meet again in two
weeks. After 2 weeks of the Benz driver asks:
"You want some coffee from me?"

"Oh no," says the driver Trabi, "I now prefer to drinke cappuccino!"

"That's not," says the Benz driver, "I have a car for more than 50,000 €
and yet less extras like the Trabant!"

They arrange an appointment again in two weeks. After two weeks now, the
Benz driver goes to the Trabi and knocks on the window. All steamed up.

He asks:
"If you now want a cappuccino from me?"

"Wait," says the driver Trabi, "I take a shower right now!"